In a walk, far, far, far away from the apartment (10 min drive), there is every spouses (who is a neat freak) dream come true. A place that you pay to have excess stuff kept safe in a tiny air conditioned unit, that you might look at maybe one in a while when you want to dump more stuff in there or find a hidden treasure you have put away in your secret stash. This magical place is called the Storage Facility, AKA my husbands "Mans Stash."
Now don't be fulled by the slick uniform design of this place, to my husband, this place is filled with adventure, hard quests, and riddles just to have access to his toys. At times is just like a video game, he must pass different levels of difficulties to defeat the hidden "Mess" monster in storage, to reach safely his price toy. This is his story.
Level 1: Getting out of bed
Depending on how determine my husband is to find something in storage, his starting point may vary. It depends on several factors, a) how badly he wants this item, b) does he know where is it located (lose, in a box, totes, or unknown), c) how deep does he have to go in order to accomplish his quest. Once this has been determined, he could leave anywhere between 9 am to 11 am and might not return from his mission until an unknown time.
Level 2: The Gates of the Storage Unit.
At times this would be an easy feat, but it also comes with it its challenges. He simply must remember the answer to the gate riddle or have it in a tiny scroll (business card) in his pouch (wallet) that will allow him to proceed into the kingdom of the storage unit. If he doesn't have the secret code, he must go on a side quest to the front office and talk to the Keeper of the Gate known as "Dave". This side quest is a timed base quest. If he comes after the sun has set, he must wait until morrow to continue this journey or find the tiny scroll before the gates are permanently sealed at the 21st hour.
Level 3: Pass the Gates
Once in, he might have easy access in or might have to face the first riddle of his journey. If our hero comes empty handed, he simply dismounts his transport (car) at it's designated spot (parking spot) and just ventures in to the building ready for the next challenge. If he posses treasure to be escorted in, the new riddle begins.
Challenge #1) Finding a cart. This is a time base challenge as well. Seasons, time of the day, and stealth plays a big role on this. He might have to roam the endless maze of corridors in search for a cart, face other facility users that might deny him access to one, or simply are no where to be found.
Challenge #2) Transporting and escorting treasure. a) If the cart is found, the hero must set up the cart with as many of the items as possible without the items falling to the ground. Extra trips reduce the XP (experience points) points the hero receives and HP(health points) that is much needed for the final Boss battle. b) if a cart is not available, the hero most do multiple trips taking way from his HP.
Challenge #3) Getting in the secret passage way (elevator).
Level 4: Escorting the treasure
For a hero that has conquered this challenge before like my husband, this is just the use of "local knowledge" (D&D reference). If someone with out this knowledge or a guide faces the endless maze of concrete floor, brightly colored doors with locks, white walls, and lights that monitors your every location to the gatekepper "Dave", it can be disorienting to the poor soul.
Level 5: The Boss
Once he has reached the final destination, the outcome depends on how established our hero is at his kingdom, and previous ventures to the Man Stash. The encounters come in levels:
EASY: The storage unit has been sorted, arrange, and he can actually find what he is looking for quite easily. (quick quest)
NORMAL: The storage has been partially organized, but there's still a chance of a toy avalanche, entrapment in the unit with out an easy way out, and a lot of shifting of crumbling boxes to reach his destination. (few hours)
HARD: The second he opens the door he will be attached by the "Mess" Monster. This creature can simply block his way, possibly occupy the entire unit, or just as easily caused a fatal slam on him by simply dropping it's weight on our hero. Shortly after the encounter, the hero finds him self with little choice but to slowly distribute the creature out through the empty hallways near by and braving a long battle. At this point, the "Mess" monster will transform the location into a unknown landscape that would make the crew of the Enterprise wet their panties. The mess can quickly consume him to the point the great gate keeper can't sense him in the hallways and will shut down the lights (lights are on motion sensors) and leave him fighting this monster in the dark making it more challenging. ( Several days)
*** Note if you must go to battle the "Mess" Monster, your hero must be well equip before considering this fight. He requires:
Full health bar - acquired with a good night sleep and a +50 to determination (usually bragging rights to friends or on-line forums).
Food rations - Home made food +30 hp, water +30 hp , soda +15 hp , candy bar +1 hp, BK double whopper +70 hp.
Proper armor - t-shirt +20 to sweat absorbency, added bonus *** with cartoon/comic book/ or science fiction character printed on the shirt +25 to Nerdness, and jeans +15 protection to cuts +20 to dexterity.
Plastic totes with lockable lids - These magical container, must be pre-acquired before starting this quest. The local supply store called Wally World, Targe, Big Slumps, and few other shops my provide you with this much needed item. With out this item, there's no way to contain the "Mess" monster and the battle will be a loosing one. A free alternative item is to obtain free boxes for the graveyard stokers at Wally World. It's not as durable but will get the job done.
SIDE KICK -- AKA wife, or friend. While the wife or friend might not be to involve in defeating this monster, they can help the hero keep the lights on and pass content the hero can't access in the hallway.
Ending :
The hero rises from this dark labyrinth victorious with his price in hand or more established in his kingdom. Either way, the Man has his theme song playing in his head as he rides into the sun in his transport.
*** BONUS, If he comes back home empty handed he gets a +20 to happy wife, and unlocks the best ending. LOL
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